Yay! It's almost the end of the semester. Phew! I've had such a hard time getting into the swing of things this year. But, now the biggest crunch times are over, so I can breathe easy for a while. Everything is arranged for Christmas, in terms of travel arrangements and boarding for the cats, so I don't have to think about that anymore. Now all I have to do is push out one more essay for Monday, then onto exams. I'm even starting to get caught up on house cleaning. I've just felt terrible since August. I didn't actually recover from the Trimmer Bash. I wasn't doing well because of all the walking and things, and then when we got home, it wasn't long before I got sick. It has been a rough few months to say the least. But, now I'm feeling much better.
I'm still have issues with Depression type symptoms. Although, I really do hate to use the term depressed. This is a very real condition for many people, and I'm not at that state yet. I guess I would call it more of feeling down. It could lead to depression, and I have the physical symptoms, but my mental state is still hanging in there, kind of. I was not doing well last night. My brain just gets into these modes where it has to sacrifice what I am doing somehow. Last night it manifested itself in the form of the other D word...Disability. The idea of being disabled at times is really difficult for me. Other times, it's not that bad. Last night, it was bad. I started thinking that if I didn't know what was wrong with me, then I would have to be disabled. The logic was lost a bit there, I think. lol Just because I couldn't name what was wrong before didn't change my physical abilities. I was thinking, maybe I shouldn't do the genetic tests, then I wouldn't know. But, as Joe logically pointed out, the genetic test means crap. We already know what's wrong. I have Muscular Dystrophy, end of story. The only thing the genetic tests mean is that if there is a treatment for the specific type of MD I have, then maybe I can start to feel better. That should be a good thing! But, my brain likes to flip things. I have a much better outlook on things today though. *phew*
On the TTC front, there is nothing new right now. I managed to finally find the Soy, so next month that will be the method. But, that means I'll also have to temp next month. That will be fine until we have to leave for Virginia on the 21st. So, that means I can pinpoint ovulation, but then the thermometer goes away, and I can obsess in peace. :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Christmas is close
Wow, I can't believe it's so close to Christmas! It's time to bring out our Advent candles, already! It's going to be a very busy Christmas season. I think it was last year that Christmas fell on a Sunday, so we got away easy on Mass. lol This year, not so easy. :D So, we will spend a fair bit of time at church when down in Virginia. :) It's always great to see everyone there. We don't get to see them often enough.
So, we have a few things planned while we are down there. We promised 4 of our friends kids that we would take them out for dinner while we are down there. Since the car we will be driving will only seat Joe and I and 2 others, we have to split up our dinners. I believe M was delighted over the idea of Five Guys. lol I'm up for pretty much anything, so whatever they want, works for me. hehe
Joe found out today that our Deacon, who teaches at the local Baptist university, is now in charge of the permanent deaconate program. This particular Deacon really doesn't follow much of the church teachings anymore. Let's say he is smitten with the protestant teachings. Bodes well for the deaconate program. *sigh* Joe asked what the Deacon thought about the recent approved changes that the US Bishops just voted on regarding the new Roman Missal. His response that we have been using this Missal in Canada for years. Umm...I thought this was all being done at the request of the Pope. And therefore, was about having new proper translations. Now, I will give him credit for the fact, that we do in fact have more accurate translations in Canada. We use the Apostles creed, etc, which is more accurate with the "I Believe" as opposed to the "We Believe" translation for the word credo. Although, even though we use the word believe for Credo, it is actually a blending of two words, one means heart and one means give...so I give my heart, would be a better way of saying it. But, normal translations, and dictionaries alike, say that Credo means I Believe.
Because we are entering a new liturgical year, this would be a great place to start my bible studies again. I have been intending to spend time each day prayer, or reading the bible, something. It's been very hard to put this in my routine. I don't know why. But, it's just one of those things that sometimes happens. It seems easier to not change the routine, even when it's something that desperately needs changing.
So, we have a few things planned while we are down there. We promised 4 of our friends kids that we would take them out for dinner while we are down there. Since the car we will be driving will only seat Joe and I and 2 others, we have to split up our dinners. I believe M was delighted over the idea of Five Guys. lol I'm up for pretty much anything, so whatever they want, works for me. hehe
Joe found out today that our Deacon, who teaches at the local Baptist university, is now in charge of the permanent deaconate program. This particular Deacon really doesn't follow much of the church teachings anymore. Let's say he is smitten with the protestant teachings. Bodes well for the deaconate program. *sigh* Joe asked what the Deacon thought about the recent approved changes that the US Bishops just voted on regarding the new Roman Missal. His response that we have been using this Missal in Canada for years. Umm...I thought this was all being done at the request of the Pope. And therefore, was about having new proper translations. Now, I will give him credit for the fact, that we do in fact have more accurate translations in Canada. We use the Apostles creed, etc, which is more accurate with the "I Believe" as opposed to the "We Believe" translation for the word credo. Although, even though we use the word believe for Credo, it is actually a blending of two words, one means heart and one means give...so I give my heart, would be a better way of saying it. But, normal translations, and dictionaries alike, say that Credo means I Believe.
Because we are entering a new liturgical year, this would be a great place to start my bible studies again. I have been intending to spend time each day prayer, or reading the bible, something. It's been very hard to put this in my routine. I don't know why. But, it's just one of those things that sometimes happens. It seems easier to not change the routine, even when it's something that desperately needs changing.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Ahh the weekend arriveth!
Goodness, I am so glad that it is finally the weekend! The last two weeks have been rough. Joe and I have been sick. We are finally over the last of it, but we had a hefty push with classes this week. Poor Joe was up until around 3 am working on his paper. He managed to finish it, and was pleased with how it turned out, but I felt so bad. He was less than thrilled when the alarm went off this morning. hehe
So, I can't get something out of my head. It's an interesting topic, and yet one that is frustrating at the same time. It's of course spurred on by the fact that I am taking a European History course, and we just went through talking about the reformation, and we are now on the topic of how countries came out of that. I'm finding it interesting how Catholics have been regarded, and in a lot of ways are still regarded. It's like the Pope is the anti-Christ somehow. When Joe was in seminary he said people had asked him on occasion whether he was learning to be a pedophile yet. I mean, seriously! I was quite impressed that the recent USCCB conference actually dealt with the idea of the pedophiles, and just general safety of our children within the church. They are undertaking a huge effort to make sure that they are safe. They are looking hard at not only the Priests, Bishops, etc, but also those people in charge of the Sunday School, nursery schools, etc.
When I decided to convert to Catholicism 3 years ago, I had to deal with some interesting conversations. One of my friends is Protestant. I can't write which branch, because honestly, I have no idea. She church hops. *sigh* But, that's another story. But, I was called a heathen for thinking of being Catholic. I mean, this can't possibly be the right thing, afterall the Baptist church is the oldest church in existence, and using the oldest version of the Bible! *brakes squeal* Alrighty...let's think about this. Alright. The Baptist religion came about during the reformation when Martin Luther broke from the Catholic church. Oh..wait...in order to branch off, then the Catholic church had to already be there. Oops..I'm sorry...that doesn't fit with that statement at all! Also, she uses the King James version of the Bible. Unfortunately, the last time I checked, King James wasn't here when Jesus was born. But, I could be wrong.
The things that people think about Catholics can be appalling! And of course, they are so upset that we are unchanging. But, you know what, if you want women priests, or gays and lesbians, there are plenty of other places you can go to worship. For me, I prefer things as they are. There are no women priests...period. Will there ever be? I don't know...it's not for me to decide. Would I want there to be? No! Plain and simple. There is no room for feminism here. Take that somewhere else. Just because you think you have to do everything a man does, and have to take everything from a man, makes no difference to me. But, keep it to yourself. I go to church to worship God. And yes, God is a he. Jesus was a he....and was more than just a good man.
So, I can't get something out of my head. It's an interesting topic, and yet one that is frustrating at the same time. It's of course spurred on by the fact that I am taking a European History course, and we just went through talking about the reformation, and we are now on the topic of how countries came out of that. I'm finding it interesting how Catholics have been regarded, and in a lot of ways are still regarded. It's like the Pope is the anti-Christ somehow. When Joe was in seminary he said people had asked him on occasion whether he was learning to be a pedophile yet. I mean, seriously! I was quite impressed that the recent USCCB conference actually dealt with the idea of the pedophiles, and just general safety of our children within the church. They are undertaking a huge effort to make sure that they are safe. They are looking hard at not only the Priests, Bishops, etc, but also those people in charge of the Sunday School, nursery schools, etc.
When I decided to convert to Catholicism 3 years ago, I had to deal with some interesting conversations. One of my friends is Protestant. I can't write which branch, because honestly, I have no idea. She church hops. *sigh* But, that's another story. But, I was called a heathen for thinking of being Catholic. I mean, this can't possibly be the right thing, afterall the Baptist church is the oldest church in existence, and using the oldest version of the Bible! *brakes squeal* Alrighty...let's think about this. Alright. The Baptist religion came about during the reformation when Martin Luther broke from the Catholic church. Oh..wait...in order to branch off, then the Catholic church had to already be there. Oops..I'm sorry...that doesn't fit with that statement at all! Also, she uses the King James version of the Bible. Unfortunately, the last time I checked, King James wasn't here when Jesus was born. But, I could be wrong.
The things that people think about Catholics can be appalling! And of course, they are so upset that we are unchanging. But, you know what, if you want women priests, or gays and lesbians, there are plenty of other places you can go to worship. For me, I prefer things as they are. There are no women priests...period. Will there ever be? I don't know...it's not for me to decide. Would I want there to be? No! Plain and simple. There is no room for feminism here. Take that somewhere else. Just because you think you have to do everything a man does, and have to take everything from a man, makes no difference to me. But, keep it to yourself. I go to church to worship God. And yes, God is a he. Jesus was a he....and was more than just a good man.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Procrastination is an Art
It really is. And I am a master! Case in point..I am studying for a test right now...while taking some time out to write this. hehe And as a guy in my class pointed out, I have study fever. Every time I go to study, somehow Facebook pops up. How does that happen?! lol I can't help it. My brain is just so ADD lately. It is trying to constantly move to something else. So far my solution has been to let it. So, I'll study a bit, then go on Facebook, then maybe knit a little, and maybe even go clean something in the house. lol In all honesty, the method actually works for me. As long as I am faithful enough to actually return to the studying.
So, how do I return. Well, I have begun to set limits on my brains wanderings. I give it a 5 minute break on the internet, or perhaps I knit 2-3 rows. Something to divert it for a few minutes. And to my surprise, when I come back to the studying, I am actually retaining what I am trying to remember. My brain sort of puts it into the background to be something to distract it from what it's now focused on. A bit of a cool trick for my head. :D hehe
On the TTC front, well, it's another relaxed month. I have left the thermometer away again. I took my temperature on CD1 to make sure it was low..and it was super low. Good. :D So, everything is clear. Now if I can avoid having that cyst come back, I'll be good. We figure that was the problem last month. I had a bunch of issues. But, all seems well now. I couldn't find the soy, so that will wait until I can find it. It will probably be something I look for when we go to Virginia for Christmas.
I almost have my sweater finished. Yay! The afghan was finished a couple days ago, and I love it. All I have left on the sweater is one sleeve, the other sleeve is 80% done. Then, assembly, and knitting the neck portion. :) I might be done by the end of the weekend. Woo!
Alright, that is my 5 minute break. Time to get back to my Greek studying. :D
So, how do I return. Well, I have begun to set limits on my brains wanderings. I give it a 5 minute break on the internet, or perhaps I knit 2-3 rows. Something to divert it for a few minutes. And to my surprise, when I come back to the studying, I am actually retaining what I am trying to remember. My brain sort of puts it into the background to be something to distract it from what it's now focused on. A bit of a cool trick for my head. :D hehe
On the TTC front, well, it's another relaxed month. I have left the thermometer away again. I took my temperature on CD1 to make sure it was low..and it was super low. Good. :D So, everything is clear. Now if I can avoid having that cyst come back, I'll be good. We figure that was the problem last month. I had a bunch of issues. But, all seems well now. I couldn't find the soy, so that will wait until I can find it. It will probably be something I look for when we go to Virginia for Christmas.
I almost have my sweater finished. Yay! The afghan was finished a couple days ago, and I love it. All I have left on the sweater is one sleeve, the other sleeve is 80% done. Then, assembly, and knitting the neck portion. :) I might be done by the end of the weekend. Woo!
Alright, that is my 5 minute break. Time to get back to my Greek studying. :D
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Minor setback, or motivator?
I've been dealing with what has seemed like depression lately. And I say seemed like, because I was symptomatic, but not mentally depressed, if that makes sense. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to go to class, I don't want to clean the house..nothing...nada. However, after a little chat today with Joe, we were wondering if maybe I'm not depressed at all, but just a bit lost. The past few months have been rough for me. In August I was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy, after 27 years of trying to figure out what in the world was wrong. Then in September I got sick with the flu, and just haven't gotten better. I also injured my foot, and same thing, it's not getting better. But, even though I was really feeling blah, I was happy. My outlook on life and everything around me was positive.
So, we started to wonder...was it school? Was I just not happy with what I was doing, or taking? Part of it is that I am not allowing myself to get excited about anything. I have become a bit stone faced. I would say something didn't bother me, when you could tell just by my body language, that it really did. I enjoy taking languages in school. It's great! But, I haven't let myself get excited about what I am taking. Honestly, the history classes bore the snot out of me! That's not helping. But, as we talked, I found I did start getting excited about doing some translating and I started thinking about books from Loeb in Latin and Greek that I could put on my Christmas list. I felt a bit better after that. So, maybe instead of this being a bigger issue of actual depression, maybe this could be a motivator for me to get going and get interested. :)
So, we started to wonder...was it school? Was I just not happy with what I was doing, or taking? Part of it is that I am not allowing myself to get excited about anything. I have become a bit stone faced. I would say something didn't bother me, when you could tell just by my body language, that it really did. I enjoy taking languages in school. It's great! But, I haven't let myself get excited about what I am taking. Honestly, the history classes bore the snot out of me! That's not helping. But, as we talked, I found I did start getting excited about doing some translating and I started thinking about books from Loeb in Latin and Greek that I could put on my Christmas list. I felt a bit better after that. So, maybe instead of this being a bigger issue of actual depression, maybe this could be a motivator for me to get going and get interested. :)
Friday, November 13, 2009
TTC
So often now days I see women struggling with infertility. It comes in so many ranges and colours, but the struggle is the same. It really seems like there are so many women now with PCOS. But, where did it all of a sudden come from? I know that the medical community knows more now, but this is so common, that it's scary. Is it a hormone issue from something we've eaten? Is it from something that our parents passed down to us? People don't really seem like they know. I am also seeing women struggle with undiagnosed infertility. This is also the category that I find myself stuck into.
What is undiagnosed infertility? It's simply what it says. You can't get pregnant, and they don't know why. Medically they have found nothing wrong with me. But, they insist on doing more tests, because there obviously must be something wrong with me, if I can't get pregnant. How many probes do they expect me to allow them to shove up there? Honestly, I'm done with the tests. I'm done with being stuck with needles. After all, where do these tests lead? Well, if they discover something miraculously that they didn't see the first 5 times, then they treat it. If they don't find anything, well, I keep going as is. Maybe I'll get lucky and they will put me on fertility meds.
Somehow I have to let go of it all. Such an easy statement to write. But, what in the world does it mean? I wish I could answer my own question. lol Honestly, I don't know what it means, but I think it will be time for me to start chronicling that journey. The journey will begin with my relationship with God. I am going to work on being closer to God, and listening to Him. What is it that God wants me to do? For now, no tests...no bloodwork...no anything being shoved where it isn't supposed to be. Because I'm not willing to advance through the treatments like the doctors want me to. There is no IVF or IUI for us. So, why start a journey down a path that we refuse to walk? It's pointless. The path we are willing to walk is with God, and that is the path we now begin to walk anew.
What is undiagnosed infertility? It's simply what it says. You can't get pregnant, and they don't know why. Medically they have found nothing wrong with me. But, they insist on doing more tests, because there obviously must be something wrong with me, if I can't get pregnant. How many probes do they expect me to allow them to shove up there? Honestly, I'm done with the tests. I'm done with being stuck with needles. After all, where do these tests lead? Well, if they discover something miraculously that they didn't see the first 5 times, then they treat it. If they don't find anything, well, I keep going as is. Maybe I'll get lucky and they will put me on fertility meds.
Somehow I have to let go of it all. Such an easy statement to write. But, what in the world does it mean? I wish I could answer my own question. lol Honestly, I don't know what it means, but I think it will be time for me to start chronicling that journey. The journey will begin with my relationship with God. I am going to work on being closer to God, and listening to Him. What is it that God wants me to do? For now, no tests...no bloodwork...no anything being shoved where it isn't supposed to be. Because I'm not willing to advance through the treatments like the doctors want me to. There is no IVF or IUI for us. So, why start a journey down a path that we refuse to walk? It's pointless. The path we are willing to walk is with God, and that is the path we now begin to walk anew.
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